Boundaries

The last three signs you might lack healthy boundaries

A lack of boundaries is not always immediately recognizable. It can appear as relationship or communication challenges when in fact, it’s a lack of boundaries, that is causing problems.

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12 Signs you lack Boundaries
What are healthy boundaries and why do you need them?
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I help you set healthy boundaries and prioritize your needs so you can intentionally build your life aligned with your values & build mutual, connected relationships (without the need to pretend to be someone you're not).

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This is the last post in my 12 Signs You Lack Healthy Boundaries series. Did you notice any shifts in your perception? Are any of these indicators present in your current experience?

If you haven’t read my last blog posts, you’ll find them here:

12 Signs You Lack Boundaries (Part One)

The next three signs you lack healthy boundaries (Part Two)

Three more signs you lack healthy boundaries (Part Three)

Awareness is the first step in fixing your boundary issues. Too often, people are unaware that they have any boundary issues; they know something is off but can’t connect it to a lack of boundaries. That’s not you anymore :-).

Here are the last three signs you might lack healthy boundaries:

1. You are passive-aggressive.

Autsch, this one hurts to hear. I’m sorry, but I must express this openly. Awareness is the first step in healing and fixing boundary issues. And you’re not a bad person if you notice this behavior in you. First, you let others take advantage of you. Then, you try to gain power by manipulating them and getting back the energy you lost by giving away too much without any exchange. This manipulation looks like complaining, nagging, or blatantly demanding (even pushing a little bit is still demanding, even if it’s masked in an intention of only wanting the best…yeah, I know you know what I’m talking about). 

2. You wonder who you really are.

You were so busy fulfilling other people’s expectations that you don’t know who you truly are anymore. If you cater to other people you might not know your deepest desires and needs anymore. It’s time to shift the focus back to you.

3. You’re afraid of being rejected or abandoned. 

These fears stem from childhood. You had a caregiver who didn’t provide unconditional love and support. You needed to behave a certain way to be granted love, support, and community. Or you learned these behaviors through a parent who was pleasing all along, to keep the peace, to make things work, or to show how much they cared. And this is the way you learned how to show love (I know you know this already, but there are much healthier ways to show you love and care!). 

These were the 12 signs that indicate you might lack healthy boundaries. Did you notice any of them in your life and behavior? I’d love to know. What’s most frustrating about it? Send me an email and let me know. You’ll get an answer from me with some tips and much encouragement – promised. 

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I'm Nadja, your new self-love friend.

You know, not that long ago, that was me. I worked in the highly competitive landscape of investment banking, had a "circle of friends" that was rather a business network than actual friends to lean on in hard times, and aimed to make my family proud without ever asking myself if this was what I truly wanted. 
Until the day my (now) ex-boss fired me with the exact words, "You're not good enough." This was the worst day of my life. I had lost my job, soon followed by my so-called friends, who couldn't do any business with me anymore and let me move back in with my parents. It was embarrassing. You could say I had fallen apart. 

It was only when I learned to set healthy boundaries that I was able to create the life I wanted to live. Now, I run my business around my four-year-old daughter; I live in a beautiful house in the countryside with my family. I have become a pro at setting healthy boundaries and intentionally living aligned with my values. I left people-pleasing behind for good. If I could learn it, you can too! Because I'm just a human learning through life challenges, so are you.

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