Are you ready to break free from the pressure to fit into society’s narrow definition of success? It’s time to step into your own version of confidence and self-love. In this episode, we explore how the success trap can keep you from embracing who you truly are and why redefining success on your own terms is essential for deepening your self-love. 

Discover how to tune out external expectations, own your unique path, and cultivate the confidence that comes from truly loving yourself. If you’re tired of chasing validation and want to create a life where you feel aligned, empowered, and free, this episode is your next step!

Grab your FREE version of my boundary-setting-checklist here: www.nadjahagen.com/boundaries-checklist

Listen to the full episode here:

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https://www.buzzsprout.com/2307122/episodes/16552006

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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:

Nadja Hagen [00:00:09]:
Are you ready to go? From Am I good enough to wait? Is this even good enough for me?

Nadja Hagen [00:00:16]:
Welcome to the Self Love Sessions podcast.

Nadja Hagen [00:00:19]:
I’m Nadja Hagen, your hostess and Self love coach for all your high achieving women recovering from people pleasing and ready to prioritize yourselves. In this show, I share actionable tips and tools to help you set healthy boundaries and prioritize yourself so that you can intentionally build your life aligned with your values and finally build mutual, connected relationships without the need to pretend to be someone you’re not. Let’s dive into today’s episode.

Nadja Hagen [00:00:52]:
Hey there my friend. Welcome back to the podcast where we shake up everything you thought you knew about self love, confidence and what it really means to succeed. Today we are calling out a huge lie that so many of us have been fed since birth. The idea that success is this one size fits all checklist of achievements. Get the fancy title, make six figures, buy the house, find the perfect partner. Look effortlessly put together at all times. Oh, and while you’re at it, never let him see you sweat. Sound familiar? Yeah, I thought so.

Nadja Hagen [00:01:31]:
But here’s the thing. Chasing society’s version of success often leaves us exhausted, unfulfilled. And is this all there is? Today we are flipping the script. We are talking about breaking free from conventional success metrics, creating a definition of success that actually feels good to you, and aligning your career and personal life with your values. If you’ve ever felt trapped in someone else’s version of success, or you’re just ready to redefine what winning looks like for you, this episode is for you. So grab a cup of tea, your favorite journal, and just settle in for some real talk. Because we are diving deep today. So the first part I want to talk about is society’s success trap and why we get stuck.

Nadja Hagen [00:02:20]:
So let’s be real. From the time we are kids, we are conditioned to believe that success looks a certain way. Get good grades, go to a respectable university, land a high paying job, and don’t you dare take a detour, hustle, grind and prove yourself. But let’s pause here. Who actually made these rules? Who decided that your worth is tied to your productivity, your paycheck, or how many letters you have after your name? Spoiler alert. It wasn’t you. The truth is, most of us end up chasing external validation instead of true fulfillment. And it’s no wonder so many high achievers.

Nadja Hagen [00:03:05]:
Yes, I’m talking to you. Struggle with burnout, self doubt, and that nagging feeling of not enoughness. The success trap is sneaky. It disguises itself as ambition and responsibility, but in reality it can be a one way ticket to exhaustion if you’re not intentional about what success means for you. Let’s dig a little bit deeper and see where this comes from. Have you ever thought about how much of your idea of success is inherited? I am talking about what your parents, teachers, mentors, even childhood role models projected onto you. Maybe you had a family that valued stability above all else, so you pursued a career field that felt safe even though it never quite lit you up inside. Or perhaps you were raised in an environment where success was equated with relentless hard work, so you’ve spent years overworking only to feel like it’s never enough.

Nadja Hagen [00:04:09]:
Society loves to reinforce these ideas. Think about how often do we see messages that tell us our worth is determined by how much we achieve. Social media alone is like a highlight reel of other people’s so called perfect lives. It’s easy to get caught in the comparison trap, constantly measuring ourselves against unrealistic standards and feeling like we are falling short. But here’s the were never meant to live someone else’s dream. If you feel like you are running a race that doesn’t even excite you, that’s a sign it’s time to break free. Now I want to talk about how to create a personalized definition of success. Ok, so we’ve called out the problem, now let’s talk about the solution.

Nadja Hagen [00:05:02]:
If society’s version of success doesn’t work for you, what does? Here’s a truth. Success should be personal, not performative. It’s not about checking off boxes. It’s about aligning your life with what truly matters to you. So here’s your first journal. Yeah, I’m giving you homework, but the fun kind. If success had nothing to do with money, titles or external validation, what would it look like for you? Would it be having the freedom to design your day exactly how you want it? Or would it be doing work that lights you up, even if it’s unconventional? Or would it maybe be prioritizing relationships and experiences over climbing the corporate ladder? There is no wrong answer here. The key is to get honest with yourself.

Nadja Hagen [00:05:54]:
What would make you wake up every day feeling alive? If this feels hard to define, start small. Instead of trying to overhaul your entire life in one sitting, think about the moments when you feel the happiest, the most at peace. Is it when you are creating something or spending time with loved ones, Traveling, learning? Start noticing these patterns because they hold the key to your authentic success. And I can tell you Learning for me is a super exciting thing. I get easily bored if I don’t have the chance to learn something new for a couple of weeks or months. So learning lets me up. What is it for you? And let’s bust another myth while we’re at Success is not a destination, it’s a way of being. Did you hear that? It’s a way of being.

Nadja Hagen [00:06:51]:
It’s a process too, but it’s a way of being. You don’t arrive at success. You create a life that feels successful every day in ways that matter to you. So now let’s move to the third Aligning your career and your personal life with your values. Now that we’ve redefined success, let’s talk about making it a reality. One of the biggest mistakes I see People get clear on what they want, but they keep living like they don’t deserve it. They stay in jobs that drain them. They keep saying yes to things that don’t align with their values.

Nadja Hagen [00:07:29]:
They know they want more freedom, but they let fear keep them stuck. So let’s talk about making moves. Here’s how you start aligning your life with your personal definition of success. The first Identify your non negotiables. What are the things you are no longer willing to compromise on? Maybe it’s work, life, balance, creativity, autonomy, or meaningful impact? Whatever it is, claim it. Step number two say no. Like a boss. If something doesn’t align, it’s a no period.

Nadja Hagen [00:08:07]:
No over explaining, no guilt. And if saying no is hard for you, go listen to my episode on Boundary setting. You’re welcome. And I have something that might help you. Learning to say no in a way that’s effective and feel good. Head over to nadiahagen.com boundaries checklist and grab my free checklist 8 Steps to Healthy Boundaries where I teach you and guide you through the whole boundary setting process so you know exactly when to set a boundary, how to communicate it transparently, kindly and effectively, and how to deal with pushback. And I’ll also give you a couple of examples that you can have at the tip of your tongue when you want to say no without ruffling in feathers. So if that’s not a great thing, I don’t know.

Nadja Hagen [00:08:54]:
So head over. I’ll wait here. Let’s move on to step number three. Surround yourself with expanders. You need people in your life who challenge the status quo and inspire you to create your own path. Find them, whether it’s through podcasts, books, or real life connections. The fourth Step Take one bold step Today. I don’t care if it’s small.

Nadja Hagen [00:09:23]:
Do something today that moves you closer to your definition of success. Apply for the dream job, set a boundary, research, starting your own thing. Just start. So alright, let’s bring it home. If you take one thing from this episode, let it be. You get to define what success looks like for you. Society’s expectations. They don’t pay your bills, they don’t wake up in your body, and they sure as heck don’t determine your worth.

Nadja Hagen [00:09:57]:
So here’s my challenge for this week. Take one step toward your personal definition of success. And if you want some accountability, DM me on Instagram and tell me what step you’re taking. I love here hearing from you. And hey, if this episode spoke to you, do me a favor, share it with a friend who needs to hear it. Let’s start a movement of women defining success on their own terms. Alright my friend, until next time, stay bold, stay true, and most importantly, stay you. I talk to you in the next episode.

Nadja Hagen [00:10:32]:
Thank you for tuning into today’s episode. If you’re ready to dive deeper into setting boundaries, knowing exactly when and how to communicate them so they stick, I’ve got something for you. Head over to nadiahagen.com boundaries checklist and grab your free 8 Steps to Healthy Boundaries checklist for high achieving women so you feel confident in every interaction. This is my thank you for listening and a way to keep supporting you beyond the self Love Sessions I can’t wait to chat again in the next episode.